(Written on Monday, April 12, 2010 at 6:02pm)
To all finalists, the Finalists Dinner will be coming up on 30th or thereabouts. Lorot Son of the Hills is at it again. It is getting even more madder!!
1.GUYS SHOULD BE IN PAIRS. I mean if you have no spouse by now please call the Guidance and Counselling Office immediately because you are the problem. If that doesn’t work out there’s a list going round of lonely souls..please write your name, faculty, registration number( both old and new), account balance as of 1st April this year and attach a short history of such cases (or lack of them) in your family. Please note that such data will be confidential and whereas a spouse will be found for you, issues of non-compatibility should not arise as a matter of courtesy.
Ps. Onyango has personally confirmed to me positively that he is set for everything, including a partner. I can only disclose further details on mutual agreements sealed by some form of compensation.
2. PLEASE, PLEASE AVOID LAW TERMS IN THE OCCASION. The law students are culprits in these. Imagine somebody like Lorot Son of the Hills presenting his manifesto to an Education chick and goes like: Ipso facto, the ration decidendi of me caling you honey is because you remind me of the convention we read. They have different names, you could call it protocol, treaty, instrument. Instead be human and say: Tell me about your teaching practice, can I be your Makmende?
Same to our biology guys. Sample this told to a BCom dudette: You see, I confuse things. You can’t be serious! The proper name for a multinucleate heliozoan is actinosphaerium eschorni, not pinaccophora fluviatilis..Ooh, similar to Acanthometra. You know what I mean? You mean nuthin’. Why the hell aren’t you a Nobel Laureate for Biology Tonguetwisters 2010?
3. NO DISCUSSION OF EXAMS PLEASE! And this is to Onyango. Imagine you are in the middle of working on your chicken then he says: Don’t tell me you did not write short notes on terrorism? And that question on black water I loved it..by the way, that problem question was about IAC and not NIAC. I beg you Onyango, Finalist Dinner will not be an extension of the Exam Room. As a precautionary measure, the Committee will work closely with the bouncers should you freak people out.
4.Marvin Onyango should give vote of thanks on that day. By all fairness he should. Please refer to point 1 from line 3.
5. Either Kim, Nick or Leduc should give prayers before meals. I vote Nick, what do you think?
6. Lorot Son of the Hills should be the rapper for the day. I mean he should spit out rhymes and cause ripples. Kwani what is the big deal?
7. Miss Gikonyo should be allocated time for a confessional. Something to the effect of causing academic distress to us and warning us of everything including not getting into Mathrees with loud music.
8. Karanja should be made to sit with the Vice-Chancellor and the administrator or Kip. Sample this: as dudettes you are catching up with the latest celeb in pulse who was cornered by the fashion cop. Enters Karanja then: According to section 49 sub section 3 of paragraph 9 of the constitution as you read in accordance with section 73 especially the last two words of the Rome Statute where it talks about…
9. For those who will be in borrowed suits and dinner dresses, I tell you this for free. Please pay your deposits in advance and if possible one week before 30th . It will spoil the occasion if the MC announces: Lorot Son of the Hills, if you are in the house please see the owner of the suit you are wearing near the door. He says his deposit is not paid!
10. For our supervisors, take this with the seriousness it deserves (you are serious with foot notes, be serious then with this head notes for you) At no point on 30th or 31st either during the day or night, whether for emergency or not or even detection of plagiarism of the whole project, should you call either using safcom, Zain, Yu, Wireless, booth….or by word of mouth or notice or Kenya Gazette or a Letter to the Editor…Imagine you are still bragging to that social science chick that you finished project on Feb then the supervisor calls and says: Brainless idiot, I cannot see your chapter four, title page and bibliography and by the snuff bottle of my grandfather I swear your chapter one has not literature review..Kwani where are you? Hello, hello…Take two running jumps to hell.
The PROM NIGHT is here. Any suggestions on do’s and don’ts ? Any comments? Any observations? You have the poetic licence to add anything. The list is growing. We are at number 11…Let’s go…
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