1.SCARE AND DIVIDE THEORY: The proponents of this theory hold that even when a student has not read, he should pretend otherwise. He should shout about a case he barely understands, explain a concept he has no idea and repeatedly say ‘this unit is an A..It is an A I swear’.
2.THE NOVELIST-IN-THE-CLOSET THEORY:It is the oldest theory. During exams when the invigilator says ‘start’ write anything on nothing as if there is a gun above your head. Look at questions once even if it is a problem question. In any given exam, it is a punishable offence not to finish one exam booklet and request for more.
3.HAITI-EARTHQUAKE- AFTERMATH THEORY: Complain about everything. No exam is never cheap, that is the starting point. Accuse the lecturer of ‘targeting’ you. Complain about time, blame your dad for stupidity or even on alcohol. Bitch on anything.
4.EXAM DISCUSSANTS THEORY: This school of thought provides that just like in primary and High school, revision should be immediate—as closely held as after exam. Feel free to say ‘that problem question was on capacity to marriage and not validity of marriage and if one can’t tell that then one is in the wrong place’. In all these, your eyes must glow with the learned glitter of Lord Denning and voice as clear as Nyaberi.
5.THE WALL FLOWER THEORY: This theory postulates that there will always a group of candidates who you can’t tell whether they are happy or sad about any exam. They are never angry or joyour, never bitching nor cursing. At most they will say ‘I did the paper and I heard God say let my people go” meaning that is a D for that Unit.
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