Dear Museveni

Dear Museveni,



Greetings Mr. President. While it should not matter I am a Kenyan. Since lying to you amounts to high treason, I will mention facts as straight as they appear to me. About that small island of Migingo, you can have it. Let your flag flutter there as high as you may want. As you are well aware, we Kenyans still suffer from the 'Post-Election after effects' --we have now extended our bloated intercenine warfare to the spirit and intent of the East African Community. We are struggling to seek relevance even in issues as straight-forward as Migingo. Any student of Public International Law, Mr. President, will tell you that a flag is a symbol of any country's territorial rights. That Kenya has no flag in Migingo is a clear indication that she has never owned Migingo and never will.



In short, Mr. President, I am not writing to you about Migingo (or as you call it Mijinjo). That has not been in dispute. Forget about the planned survey of Mijinjo which will cost Kenya more than 230 Million. That is part of the tired politics of Kenya--'your little brother' in the East Africa Community. Kenya sucks.



Mr. President, there are more big issues that I want to channel to you. Issues more pertinent than Migingo.

Let us start with our president and the prime minister. Take them. We don't need them. On the one hand, the president only comes in public with vigour when his family structure is in the public limelight. On the other hand, our prime minister only complains about having a carpet,a toilet in office and being leader of government business. Take both of them to your Matokeland and ensure that they don't return for great has been our sorrow and sad has been our tale for what they have done to Kenya.



Also take our VP for admonishing our Good Samaritan Koffi Annan to 'stop babysitting our country'. Kalonzo is yours. Please confirm flight details so that we can get rid of him in the earliest convenience.



If you have capacity, your excellency, you can have our MPS-- I mean the Rutos, the Murungis and Kimunyas of our Kenya. We also don't need them. They talk as if they have swallowed tapes. They talk this and that and when they talk that they don't talk this. At the end of the day they become talking machines. Do your MPs talk like these ones, Mr. President? You see them in churches, in funerals, in garbage mounds. Hell, they even talk in pirated ships!



I almost forgot this, Mr. President. You know our Government spindoctor Alfred Mutua? If there be one flight for our 'deportees' and there be a question of lack of space, take note that I'd rather the MPs like Wakoli (for his Luhya cheer breaks the monotony in the House) remain in Kenyan soil than Mutua. This man we give to you in the spirit of a united East African family. Should you express reluctance, please let us schedule more time to discuss this pertinent issue.



Kenya is still big, Mr. President. Don't be offended, your excellency, to have Budalang'i, Kanyerus in Pokot North District, the Northern Frontiers and even the Parliament. For a relief it will be if you take up Budalang'i in the spirit of the East African brotherhood to save it from floods that our government is unable and unwilling to fix. Of what use is the Northern Frontier be if we cannot build good roads and provide water for them? Mr. President, have the Northern Frontier too. As a matter of urgency, if you find it in your kind heart, please take our Kenyan Parliament--they represent us not, tax themselves not and to add insult to injury they behave as if they are the hearthrob of this nation. I speak for my fellow countrymen and women when I say that you love Kenya in the true spirit of East African Community--Please regard this matter as expeditiously for Kenya needs a serious fix.



East African Citizen,

Salem Lorot