1. Law Classes: And in the Class my friend Onyango springs to mind. We are in First Year trying to figure out how the hell we are supposed to spell Appellate Jurisdiction and this man is talking about mens rea, actus reus. He needed a special class because he intimidated us right from the word go.
2. Miss Gikonyo: Forget the haters, Gikonyo rocks. First class and she says: I know you might be the only person in your village who has done law. But if you joke you will fail. You came alone. People, how frank should a lecturer be? I loved the intimidation and the Supps because it kept our minds alert.
3. Roman Law and Canon Law Lecturer: Our good Father Fabiano was a good chap. We learnt Papinian, Ulpian, Furiosi, jus civile ( pronounced yus chivile), and praetor. And when he had cracked a joke, our good Father laughed that laugh I have never heard anywhere else.
4. Social Development Lecturer: And this might sound straight from the creative mind of Lorot Son of the Hills but no it isn’t. Our guy loved to ‘ogle’, no hypocrisy, just ogle. And those words like ‘to stimulate economic growth’, ‘sex as a basic need’. Ladies, how did you survive that class?
5. Vibandas: I miss them, for real. Chapo minced ama Chapo msalaba, ndegu, githeri (obsolete nowadays till school focused guys come). And Mlembo and Mogaka. And jamaa wa mahindi. When their vibandas were demolished, the whole campus cried foul. My friend Josphat looked to the East every morning for a week saying: This can’t be..this can’t be..am finished
6. Cultural Festival/Freshers’ Bash/ Carnivore Experiences: During the day we heard songs, dances, poems. Yours truly recited the poems like ‘December 27th’ . Then when the day grows old we head to Carnivore and get to know side B of everything. Cool stuff.
7. Doctor Ajwang’ Owuor: First time in Constitutional Law Class and daktari with no book, chalk or pen starts talking about constitution, about Madison, about the Executive, about sections of the constitution. He paces around talking about constitution and I was like: Well, Lorot Son of the Hills, you are screwed up. You are in a wrong place.
8. Steve the Simplifier: Mr. Steve is a multifaceted man. Evidence class and he is talking of Loyangalani and the chap who jumps through the window. I miss those jokes. And the Swa. Question, though: That Coasto lineage…
9. Credit Control: Those long queues for paying fees stretching forever. Somebody told me that one funny thing about CUEA is that you ‘struggle’ to pay them fees. And you stand for 2 to three hours ‘waiting’ to pay them. And when you are there, you are told ‘Zero balance’ yet you have read for the afternoon paper for the last 72 hours non-stop.
10. Registry: If you never lost your mind while ‘having good time’ at the Registry, you ain’t losing it ever. Relax, you are made of tough stuff. If you got an I or a Z and was able to be sorted out and still retained your mind, count your stars. It is a drama of lining up, filling forms, coming again, filling forms, asking, going back to HOD, coming back to Registry, meeting lecturer e.t.c. It is called the Elemi Triangle.
11. The Auditorium: Also known as SlaughterHouse, Abbatoir, Torture Chambers, Stupidity Investigation Department ( S.I.D.). In all my 4 years in CUEA I was disturbed by those guys who handed their papers 30 minutes before time and when they did so they created so much noise with their seats banging each other. Those freaks scared hell outta me.
12. Park Place: In your sorrows, Park Place welcomed you. In your joy, Park Place shared with you your jubilation. On the dance floor, everyone pulls his move. A drunk one gullycreeps atop three bottles on the dancefloors. Kwani baba yake ni nani?
13. The tournaments: You might not be a sport person but don’t you think the sack race, the egg race and especially the passing of oranges was just fun? Speaking of which, I will miss Oimbo a lot. He appeared with afro in a Faculty Assembly!
14. Student General Assembly: I attended them not because solutions were offered ( if at all they were offered) but just to listen to the harangues of my fellow students. About zero balance. About expansion of the gate. About Registry and rude secretaries. About transcripts. Then the DVCs and other staff members will say: Students, courtesy. Courtesy.
15. Generosity: Being a student entitles one to being a beneficiary of philanthropy. Fare is provided. Lunch catered for. Airtime squeezed in. And a small time con can live good. Exit student status and even fare is questioned, haggled over and bargained. How I miss being a student!
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